The Miner's Girl

The best of both worlds. Life as a fly-in, fly-out girlfriend.

Tag: long-distance

Confessions of a shopaholic

I am a Miner’s Girl and I am a shopaholic.

Or rather I was a shopaholic. Not in a maxing-out-all-of-my credit-cards-on-expensive-shoes kind of way (although I have definitely bought shoes that I really couldn’t afford), but more in a,can and will shop anywhere, anytime kind of way.

But this year, I’ve changed. I’m shunning those racks of snuggly, soft winter woolies, slinky dresses and shiny shoes. I am ignoring the smell of buttery soft new leather and the luxurious perfume counter. I am not missing the weight of shopping bags, stiff and new with the promise of something pretty inside (honestly).

Each year for the past three years I have chosen to adopt a cause, picked something I care about and decided that this is my year to make a difference. For example two years ago I decided that I was going to stop using chemical cleaning products (this is where someone will pedantically point out that water is a chemical, but you know what I mean) and last year I gave up buying any beauty products that didn’t state they were not tested on animals on the label.

At the start of this year after returning home from the UK with a suitcase packed full of new purchases, I turned on the radio whilst unpacking, only to come across a program titled ‘Can Choosing to Live with Less Make You Happier?’ and I looked at all my shiny new purchases crammed into my wardrobe and thought, do I really need these?

Now, I am not about to get all preachy and rant on about the fact that everyone should stop shopping, or get all hippy dippy about how I feel so much more ‘free’ without the constraints of shopping, but six months in I need to share this story before I crack like my old leather boots.

The program touched on the obvious economic and environmental aspects of saving both money, (always tempting) and the planet (which we all think would be nice to do), but also looked at psychological issues such as hoarding or shopping addiction, and as I listened it started to dawn on me that I had a problem. Like I said, not a huge problem affecting my life and relationships – I wasn’t selling my vital organs in order to buy Chanel and Gucci – but I was definitely developing a little dependency.

Over the last few years I had come to notice a correlation between Mr Miner being at work and my shopping habit. I would shop because I was bored and it gave me something to do, but also because it was a little thrill that made me feel better and I would reason that because he was away and I was on my own, I deserved a treat.

It could be anything from a new jacket to a fancy moisturiser, but my go to treats were lingerie and pyjamas. I mean lingerie is an essential, right? And when your other half is away you need something nice for when they get home, plus it makes me feel good. Almost as good as it feels to have a bath and cover myself in moisturiser and new pyjamas, before curling up and treating myself to a girly movie when I’m all alone.

But then the guilt would come… I probably shouldn’t have spent that much on things I don’t really need. Should I take something back? Perhaps the pyjamas, I mean how many pairs of pyjamas does one person need? But… they’re so pretty, my favourite colour and so, so soft… plus it’s cold and I haven’t bought any new ones for at least a month. After all I’m saving money staying in ALONE tonight. I deserve a treat. I can live on soup and toast for the rest of the week. Perhaps after I get a take away tonight. How much do you have to order for them to deliver? I’ll probably have to buy extra. I’m sad, I definitely need my pyjamas… and perhaps a new fancy moisturiser for after my bath… and maybe a DVD…. And so it goes on.

And I don’t want to sound flippant, I mean I’m not drowning my sorrows in drink or drugs, but I can understand how easily I could do that. Treating yourself to a nice red wine because it’s Friday night and you’re home alone, but there’s none open so you’ll have to open a bottle and now it’s open you might as well finish it. And the next night you feel guilty, but why should you? This is normal. Open another bottle. And so it goes on.

So despite the fact that it is winter and I have bought no new clothes for six months and those fluffy pyjamas are crying out to me, I am determined to make it to the one year mark, by which point I’ll no longer need them anyway.

If you or someone you know need help with addiction, please contact Lifeline.

Ten things I’ve learnt over five years as a Miner’s girl

I’ve had a bit of a hiatus recently due to a combination of things, one of which has been moving house. We only moved from one side of the city to the other, so not a huge upheaval, but as our last move three years ago was only around the corner (quite literally) and it caused arguments, tears and threats of deportation, I approached this move with some trepidation.

But, in fact it was pretty easy. Of course there were late nights, pulled muscles and we were still packing the kitchen when the movers not only arrived, but had packed the van and gone, but there were no threats of abandonment or cars crashed into moving trucks (yes, I may have reversed Mr Miner’s car into a moving truck on a previous occasion!).

In fact, when our friends brought emergency coffee supplies the morning after the move, we were all cheery, smug and smiley, so pleased with ourselves and our effortless moving style. Obviously we hadn’t unpacked any boxes or braved Ikea at this stage, but still, I was very proud of what we had achieved. And, yes I do count not killing each other on moving day a serious achievement.

The other thing that happened during my Miner’s Girl hiatus is the five year anniversary of us meeting. Now, let’s be honest, I obviously mean five years since a drunken hook-up that neither of us thought was going anywhere (sorry Mum), but there’s no simple word for that. Anyway, the coinciding of the big moving day achievement and our ‘anniversary’ got me thinking about the things I have learnt over the last five years that have helped us go the distance (FIFO pun intended).

1. Communication is key…

 mindy mindreader
 Source: redcrosschat.org

Hints don’t work, be upfront and get on the same page.

2. …But do it your way

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Contrary to popular belief t’s actually ok not to be on the phone everyday.

3. Get a life!

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Waiting around for your other half to come home is no way to spend your time. I have joined gyms and bookclubs, I’ve volunteered and I’ve forced myself on new friends, but at least I’m not bored!

4. Give him a break

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Don’t feel rejected! do you really want to do the kind of things he gets up to with his idiot mates?

5. Sundays are lonely

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Remember though, every cloud has a silver lining; when he’s home Sunday’s will be appreciated all the more. And when he’s not? You won’t hate Mondays quite as much as everyone else does!

6. Get some help

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Pay for movers, pay for cleaners. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

7. Know your love language

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We all demonstrate love differently. How do you show yours? I love cuddles and Mr Miner apparently shows his love by leaving socks all over the house…

8. Some people won’t get it

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Sometimes T. Swizzle just says it best! As long as you are making each other happy, it doesn’t matter how they feel about it.

9. A little help goes a long way

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In this lifestyle the small things make a difference, so help each other out when you can.

10. A ‘routine’ sex life isn’t a bad thing.

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Just like Ryan Gosling topless, Fly-in night sex. Never. Gets. Boring!

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